Well, here I go!

For years I have kept a journal to record important events in my life. Now, while visiting my sister and her growing family in Germany, I can enjoy looking back to the trip that Brandon and I took in 2009 for her wedding. Because of new social networking sites, I have been able to invite my friends and family deeper into these events. The ability to share photos and the stories that go along with them has always been something that I enjoy. Although, these social sites have become lack luster for me and a place that I have not felt comfortable just writing. I have contemplated this blogging thing for some time but until now I have not felt it necessary, emotionally, thus I did not entertain the thoughts. Today is a different story. I have so much to say and so much that I want to share. In these past two weeks alone, I feel that I have become a different person. A person who needs to do this blogging thing and post photos along with their stories and just share with the world. 

I am sitting on an air mattress with my net book on my lap. Apart from the air mattress, this is not a totally out of norm story for me. Add in the minor details that I am over 4,300 miles away and I came here alone, we have got ourselves a good book. 

Being so far away from home is something that I have done before and I am looking forward to doing again. Doing so alone? I would have never thought. Traveling alone is not something that I had ever wanted to do or even really thought about. I have my husband and we have been together for over five years. In my mind, had I ever gone on a trip, he would be traveling with me. Well, as life goes, plans do not always work out the way that we would like. Because of a new job and the impossibility of getting three weeks off, Brandon is at home with our animal family.

So, I am here. Not quite alone, but more on my own that I would have ever preferred before. Although, so has it, now that I am here and doing this, I can say that, yes, I do enjoy this traveling alone thing. Now, since I have yet to go out to the towns without at least my sister or brother-in-law, my feelings may change on Wednesday when I hoof it alone. I think that I will be able to hold my own well enough. Even though, a few S.O.S. messages may be sent out to friends that I have made here, as long as I remember to take my phone along with me. Ah, the security of that little bundle of technology.

Well, I suppose that I should get to the point of this blog then. 

Before I stepped foot away from Brandon, the comfort of home and my day to day life, friends, time zone, closet full of clothes that are weather permitting, black shoes, Coco hugs, Thor snuggles, and Ninja attacks, I was uncertain of my ability to stay happy while gone. So far, I have prevailed! I am rockin' and booty poppin'! Not every moment has been rainbows and giggles. Especially in the beginning and at some points during the night I get homesick even just a little bit. I am okay with this homesick thing though. It reminds me of how lucky I am to even have a home to get sick for! Having my moment of being homesick has also made me question what about home I missed. 

Well, after doing my thinking and figuring out how I felt about other people in my life and the situations that I am in, I got to thinking about me. Who I am, just me, no relationships outside of me involved. Do I like who I am? Am I happy with me? Would I be my friend? Would I be married to me? 

That round of thinking over, I decided that my answer to all of these questions was yes. With that, I also found that I can better myself in all of these areas. I can let myself really open up and drop the walls that I have even hid behind from myself. I am becoming more open to looking deep into myself and learning who I am and who I would like to be. Through this I am becoming much happier with who I am and who I am becoming. This goes along with who I am as a friend and a spouse.

I have known for some time that I tend to go along with the flow of the people around me because I do not want to rock the boat. In doing this I have hurt myself by adapting to others opinions, morals, beliefs, and actions. I have closed myself from my inner independence and in doing so I was becoming detached and unsure of myself.

Stepping away from my comforts and into doubt, nervousness, and an itching feeling to explore has taken a supporting beam out from my wall and it is coming down! I am allowing myself to do and feel things that I have either never done before or have not done in such a long time. I owe this awakening to my husband, my sister and her family, and mostly to myself. 

I don't want to allow myself to become homesick anymore. I am going to be happy with every minute that I stay away from those comforts because I know that they will be there for me. They will be waiting and they will be there for me as I will be there for them. Each of us with more days and knowledge under our belts. Most importantly I will not allow myself to become homesick because by being gone I am learning so much about myself and what I can do. When I go home I will not love the way that I loved when I left. I will love more. I will not feel the way that I had before. I will feel so much more and with all honesty with others and with myself. I have changed so much even in this short period of time and I am so excited to invite everyone into my new inception, my journey for inner independence!